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Embracing Change

A coworker asked me earlier this week if I was excited about my move.  I smiled and nodded. But when I got back to my desk, I asked myself – AM I excited?  And if I’m being honest, I’m not, at least not at this moment. I’m currently in the sadness and nostalgia phase of our move.  I have been mentally saying goodbye to Austin for the past two years because I knew that with Husband’s profession, we likely wouldn’t be able to stay here.  And as much as I’ve complained about the traffic, the high cost of living, and the gentrification, I still really love this place. I’ve been here 11.5 years and it’s changed my life.  I have so many wonderful memories of exploring this city – first by myself, then with my friends, with my brother when he stayed with me the Summer of 2010, and finally when Husband and I got together in 2012.  I’ve experienced a lot of change since I moved here as a dumb and utterly clueless 23-year-old, but this is the first change where it really feels like a chapter in my life is closing. 

I was trying really hard to suppress those feelings for awhile, but I think I just have to feel them.  Life is messy and change can be exciting and sad at the same time. You can feel both. Sometimes it’s best to acknowledge the complexity of your feelings rather than trying to invalidate them.

So I’m just going to take a bit to “feel the feels.”  I’m going to miss our families and friends. I’m going to miss this state and this wonderful city.  I’m going to miss my coworkers and I’m frustrated that I’m leaving right when one of my projects is moving to the remedy phase, and I should physically be HERE for that transition rather than 1000 miles away. 

But such is life.  I am experiencing a rite of passage that many others have and are experiencing at the same time, and now it’s my turn to go through it.  The sadness will pass and I will feel excited and invigorated by this change. I am an adventurer stuck in a risk-adverse body. I will let myself “feel the feels” and come out on the other side ready and engaged for this change.  A new chapter will open and I will be happy that it did.

Hmm.  That’s all I have for now.  In other crafty news, I’ve frogged the shawl I was posting about earlier.  The uneven edges were bothering me. It was a worthwhile experiment but I was ultimately unhappy with where the experiment was going.  I still want to experiment with this yarn, so I think I will try to make the Arwen Halter Top.  I will say that this color palette that I’m using is WAY outside my comfort zone and not something I’d normally wear, but time to ~embrace the change~, right? Or I will probably hate it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  But let’s try!

Hope you have a happy Saturday!

7 thoughts on “Embracing Change

  1. I know how you feel… I moved many times in my life because of my work, but 3 of those moves were really challenging. First when I went to university – but then I fell in love with my new city and I still miss it many years later! Then another move was when I had to live in a remote place in the mountains, all on my own, far away from civilization, because the lab I worked at was located in such an area. It was super scary, often lonely, but it taught me so much, it was totally worth it, and also pushed my career in a new direction which I still benefit from! Still, I stayed there for 3 years and I don’t think I would manage to stay longer.
    Finally my move to Dublin. I had to do it for my own sanity (in a way it was an escape from a complicated family situation and I really needed a break, plus the boyfriend couldn’t live in my country with me because of language barrier) and I think it saved my life, but at the same time, I don’t feel like it’s home, I don’t really like Dublin, I want to move back somewhere to continental Europe, and I have this constant sense of being a stranger here. So as much as I don’t regret this decision, I also don’t think it’s where I’m going to stay for good.
    What I’m trying to say… you never know what a big change like this can bring, just keep your mind and heart open, embrace all the new experience that comes along, treat it as a learning opportunity and in time you will know if staying in your new place is the best thing for you. I hope you will like living there as much as you do like it in Austin, even if it takes some time to get used to it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the kind words and good wishes, Kat…your moves definitely sound challenging (especially the lab in the remote area! That sounds like it would be terrifying). I definitely understand the feeling of your current city not feeling like home…I hope it eventually does, or you find a spot in continental Europe again 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad you’re giving yourself permission to be honest about your feelings. I think it’s totally understandable to be sad or scared or anxious about something this momentous! I do hope that it’s a good move for you in the long run, and that you’re eventually happy in your new home. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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