My dog Apollo is one of my favorite creatures in this universe. The way he snuggles up to me on the couch after a long day or leaps with joy when I return home makes me think the feeling is mutual. I adore my little dog, and I spend a lot of time worrying about his well-being. I imagine this is, in a very small way, what a parent feels like.
So I love my dog.
We got that part out of the way.
But you guys…can I tell you secret?
HE IS A MASSIVE JERK.
It’s not so bad now that he’s a little older. Apollo is five and a half now, and he’s much calmer now. But when he was a puppy, oh god. I still remember the second day after we’d gotten him. I was sitting on my carpet in tears, staring at this adorable but totally destructive little puppy, thinking, “What have we done? I HAD A GOOD LIFE.” In his heyday, Apollo chewed up, among other things, my carpet, the bottom of my blinds, two laptop chargers, and shoes. And since he’s a dachshund, he’s incredibly stubborn and, admittedly, not very well-trained.
Like I said, he’s a massive jerk. I don’t remember when the switch happened – when he stopped being utterly exhausting to a pet that brings me a lot of joy, but it happened and here we are now. He’s cuddling next to me as I type this.
But the jerk gene is strong in this pup and he wills it as he chooses. When Apollo was a baby, his insatiable appetite to destroy everything in my apartment was really a function of his curiosity. Now that he’s older, he only steals or chews things when he wants our attention.
Relevant example – I was cooking dinner yesterday. Fiancé was traveling home after being gone for several days, and I was very excited to see him. I’d left a knitting project on the couch so I could preheat the oven for the chicken wings I was making. You guys are probably all, “Why did you leave your knitting project on the couch after talking about what a jerk your dog is?” I KNOW, GUYS. But I’d already taken him for a walk and thought that I’d expended any energy he had. Wrong. I heard this unusual crunching sound and rushed out of the kitchen to check on Apollo.
This is not the first pair of knitting needles he has munched on. (I should have known better, etc etc I GET IT). Thankfully, he did not ingest the bit that he’d torn off. I was very upset since I don’t have extra needles in this size, and I wanted to continue being a loner introvert and not have to, you know, drive to a store and deal with people.
I found a pencil sharpener from my cosmetics kit and was able to file the needle down fairly well. It’s been a bit of a struggle to continue using this particular needle, but it’s getting the job done without too much damage to the project I’m knitting.
Apollo’s reign of terror and bid for attention did not stop there. Fiancé surprised me with an adorable teddy bear when he came home. I placed the bear on my coffee table and was attempting to take a picture of it when my dog snatched the bear and ran off with it.
I laughed so hard when I saw this picture. It is probably one of my favorite pictures of Apollo. This perfectly captures his endearing jerkface qualities.
And then, by the end of the night, he crashed hard.